Girl Gone Fishing

You know, most guys usually ask for a kiss or something…

So I met a Fish. At first it wasn’t too bad. We thought it’d be fun if I showed up with a quick lunch at his workplace and we chilled there for a bit. He seemed normal and kinda fun and I was willing to overlook the fact that his picture was taken several years and 60 pounds ago because he seemed cool. Then I split and went to the mall for a bit until we were meeting for dinner.

Dinner. Heh. Then it unraveled. The gun talk was OK because, I own some too, but his aren’t for deer hunting like mine, put it that way. He also exposed himself as a raging homophobic, very racist, prone to stereotyping, and I lost all interest in my food and him. To get ME to lose interest in my fried fish is a tough thing to do.

Then I had the most UNUSUAL first date question asked of me at dinner.

Would I PLEASE go online and buy some potassium something from this website. He needed it because he was afraid he’d set off red flags because he had some tubes (“this one can blow off ARMS!!!) and explosive powder already on its way to the house.

Jaw, meet floor.

I just slid a $20 onto the table, said we were too different and for him to take care.

High-tailed it to my car, called my friend with an OMFG can you believe this shit phone call and called the police. While the officer got a good chuckle over it (“don’t most guys ask for a kiss or something?”), he seemed genuinely concerned and was glad I called and reassured me I am “doing the right thing”.

I’m speaking with their terrorism unit tomorrow morning.

I can’t do this dating shit no more! UGH!

You’re joking, right?

Why does some self-proclaimed hillbilly guy think he can get a Jewish American Princess like me to actually listen to country music and go to some monster truck show?

Seriously, I’d rather watch someone take a dump in my favorite pair of shoes than to endure such a thing. At least I can buy a new pair of shoes. I could not get those hours of my life back if I went to… gross.

Why WOULD a guy write someone who is as city as he is country anyway…and NOT FREAKING GIVE UP, like rationalizing WHY he is right for me, pulling the “I’m a NICE GUY” bit…

Seriously. County fairs? Monster truck shows? Tractor pulls?

I’m about to sip expensive drinks at a posh hotel’s lobby and he thinks I’d enjoy… a county fair?! Drinking beer at a tractor pull?

Sheesh, fish… at least choose people you have something in common with, don’t embarass yourself!!!

I’m proud of myself, though, I did not come out and say to him that being surrounded by white trash was offensive to every fibre of my being. I kept telling him I’m a waste of his time, I am not right for him, not his type….trying to say “It’s not YOU it’s ME”…. still didn’t get it. I eventually just said that my reserves of politeness are running low, there’s no chance at all so stop trying.

WTF Fish: Anti-Semitic Fish!! (Maybe)

Someone clicked the “yes” on “Want to meet me”….some option on the site where you click yes or no if you find the person appealing. Whatever.

Someone with Kike in their username wanted to meet me.

In case you don’t know… kike is the Jewish equivalent of the word “nigger”. My eye damned near popped out of my skull when I saw that user name. WTF!

Maybe he is clueless and has NO idea what it means… but it doesn’t mean I like seeing in my inbox nor does it make it more reassuring!

And no, he isn’t Jewish. He’s Catholic. If he was Jewish, I could have a slight appreciation for some irony. Instead.. no.

I did report him with the request that the profile is modified to use a less-offensive word in his username.

WTF Fish Part II: What does one say to this?

The email:

Hey..how’s it goin? I have lots to say but I’m not saying it all here. I was brought up as a racist but as I got older I found out that being a racist is only ok if you really like driving fast. I do like to go fast sometimes but not in circles so I’m no racist. Some people call me retarded but I’m pretty sure they are just joking by the way they laugh when they say it. Just because my last girlfriend is now a dumpster diver behind salvo doesn’t mean I’m satisfied. That’s all for now…let’s talk. Hopefully you can take a joke. =)

His profile was a bit more intriguing too…his ideal first date:

I’m not really sure I’m kinda down for whatever as long as there are midgets involved and maybe lots of caffiene so they can run fast

Um…erm….uh….

Hope someone gets entertainment from all this, because I sure as heck do not.

TMI Fish: There’s honesty, and then there’s “Honestly?!”

This site never ceases to amaze me. This guy applauded me for my honesty and “rewarded” me with some of his own. So much… information. *Yikes*

Behold…the really batshit insane stuff is bolded. I can’t make this stuff up.

your honesty is unsettling and appealing you have a great deal of insight into relationships I’m honored. You seem very nice do your romantic encounters of staying up late at night talking include abstract. I have a story I know your interested in. I’m not conventional in my means at all. Im totally abstract but we can get into that if you’d like. I’m 32 now at the age of 24 I heard a voice one of many say if you take your life we’ll all live forever. So I overdosed on saraquil I found out after that the voices aren’t mine. I’ve been writing since the age of 21 and I plotted out particular reasons why b4 I did it in poetry. I also opened all the windows in January so they could revive me. TO give me my second life and have died for other peoples sins why will it when yah got it like that. Ive had thoughts that its because I was a sacrifice for another wholy war. I don’t know but its fun to play with when I come from a small town alotta evil sh*tgoing on too

What in the name of samhill does one say to something like this?!