Girl Gone Fishing

Yea, it’s been a while since I had posted…(and another Fish story)

But that Master’s thesis sucked up most of my free time. Don’t worry, I have another fun story, too. The date that almost was. And thank GOD it didn’t happen!

So it was a Jewish guy. Cool. However, there’s a distinctive difference between Reform Judaism (me) and Conservative Judaism (him). At first it wasn’t a big deal until the really crazy “if you were a good Jewish woman…” stuff started to emerge.

For example… why do I care if I have a sexy dress for a concert coming up? Don’t I know that good Jewish women should only look good for their husbands/boyfriends and not some musician who I will never meet?

…On that note, why AM I going to that concert if he and I will be together? Good Jewish women shouldn’t make plans without asking their husbands/boyfriends!

….So yea, cancel my upcoming graduation trip AND my vacation in December (which have already been paid for!) because if I want to be a good Jewish woman, I’d do that since I didn’t make those plans with my husband/boyfriend!

Oh, and my Masters? I should quit. With three weeks to go. A good Jewish woman shouldn’t more educated than her husband/boyfriend, yanno!

Since I was unwilling to do ANY of that, he decided we wouldn’t work out. No shit, sherlock!

It’s no wonder I am so over dating and why I have stayed single for so long. Sometimes I think it’d be fun to give it a try, just go in with no expectations (which is a GOOD thing) and see what happens. I think after the explosives request, I may just give it up and call it a day. This shit isn’t worth it at all! Then again, I’m sure some guy is going to arouse my sense of morbid curiousity and I’ll allow the freakshow to continue because I feel like I need another trainwreck or two in my life.

You know, most guys usually ask for a kiss or something…

So I met a Fish. At first it wasn’t too bad. We thought it’d be fun if I showed up with a quick lunch at his workplace and we chilled there for a bit. He seemed normal and kinda fun and I was willing to overlook the fact that his picture was taken several years and 60 pounds ago because he seemed cool. Then I split and went to the mall for a bit until we were meeting for dinner.

Dinner. Heh. Then it unraveled. The gun talk was OK because, I own some too, but his aren’t for deer hunting like mine, put it that way. He also exposed himself as a raging homophobic, very racist, prone to stereotyping, and I lost all interest in my food and him. To get ME to lose interest in my fried fish is a tough thing to do.

Then I had the most UNUSUAL first date question asked of me at dinner.

Would I PLEASE go online and buy some potassium something from this website. He needed it because he was afraid he’d set off red flags because he had some tubes (“this one can blow off ARMS!!!) and explosive powder already on its way to the house.

Jaw, meet floor.

I just slid a $20 onto the table, said we were too different and for him to take care.

High-tailed it to my car, called my friend with an OMFG can you believe this shit phone call and called the police. While the officer got a good chuckle over it (“don’t most guys ask for a kiss or something?”), he seemed genuinely concerned and was glad I called and reassured me I am “doing the right thing”.

I’m speaking with their terrorism unit tomorrow morning.

I can’t do this dating shit no more! UGH!

I reached for the stars. They were just airplanes. They crashed and burned

“Let’s pretend that airplanes in the night skies are shooting stars….”

For some… years… I’ve had a theory that I have been cockblock-cursed. I have a mountain of proof to back it up.

Well, just when I thought it was bad I couldn’t even get to the first date, it’s now clear that I can’t even get to the first phone call!!!

After weeks of emails, a pretty cool guy from JPeopleMeet and I finally decided to do the phone call thing. What a mistake.

He first calls me when I was at work. No biggie, I just let him know I was at work and couldn’t talk.

The right thing to do would be to wait for me to call when I get off work, or ask me to call you when I could.

The wrong thing to do would be to call a minute later, and from there, proceed to call me every fucking flip-flopping minute for about an hour straight. Dude, I couldn’t make this shit up if I tried.

I’m SO glad Droids come with an option that sends a number straight to voicemail, otherwise, I would have found a way to go through the phone and choke a bitch.

The online dating thing just won’t happen for me because the whole dating thing isn’t happening for me. That’s OK, I have my fingers in way too many pies as it is…. work, Master’s degree, several art projects… men would just get in my way anyway.

A day of wtf!

Wait until I get home… I had a reply from a Psycho Fish and a former Racist Fish… it’s rich.

TMI Fish: There’s honesty, and then there’s “Honestly?!”

This site never ceases to amaze me. This guy applauded me for my honesty and “rewarded” me with some of his own. So much… information. *Yikes*

Behold…the really batshit insane stuff is bolded. I can’t make this stuff up.

your honesty is unsettling and appealing you have a great deal of insight into relationships I’m honored. You seem very nice do your romantic encounters of staying up late at night talking include abstract. I have a story I know your interested in. I’m not conventional in my means at all. Im totally abstract but we can get into that if you’d like. I’m 32 now at the age of 24 I heard a voice one of many say if you take your life we’ll all live forever. So I overdosed on saraquil I found out after that the voices aren’t mine. I’ve been writing since the age of 21 and I plotted out particular reasons why b4 I did it in poetry. I also opened all the windows in January so they could revive me. TO give me my second life and have died for other peoples sins why will it when yah got it like that. Ive had thoughts that its because I was a sacrifice for another wholy war. I don’t know but its fun to play with when I come from a small town alotta evil sh*tgoing on too

What in the name of samhill does one say to something like this?!