Girl Gone Fishing

Yea, it's been a while since I had posted...(and another Fish story)

Tue, 26 Jul 2011 02:21:55 -0400

But that Master’s thesis sucked up most of my free time. Don’t worry, I have another fun story, too. The date that almost was. And thank GOD it didn’t happen!

So it was a Jewish guy. Cool. However, there’s a distinctive difference between Reform Judaism (me) and Conservative Judaism (him). At first it wasn’t a big deal until the really crazy “if you were a good Jewish woman…” stuff started to emerge.

For example… why do I care if I have a sexy dress for a concert coming up? Don’t I know that good Jewish women should only look good for their husbands/boyfriends and not some musician who I will never meet?

…On that note, why AM I going to that concert if he and I will be together? Good Jewish women shouldn’t make plans without asking their husbands/boyfriends!

….So yea, cancel my upcoming graduation trip AND my vacation in December (which have already been paid for!) because if I want to be a good Jewish woman, I’d do that since I didn’t make those plans with my husband/boyfriend!

Oh, and my Masters? I should quit. With three weeks to go. A good Jewish woman shouldn’t more educated than her husband/boyfriend, yanno!

Since I was unwilling to do ANY of that, he decided we wouldn’t work out. No shit, sherlock!

It’s no wonder I am so over dating and why I have stayed single for so long. Sometimes I think it’d be fun to give it a try, just go in with no expectations (which is a GOOD thing) and see what happens. I think after the explosives request, I may just give it up and call it a day. This shit isn’t worth it at all! Then again, I’m sure some guy is going to arouse my sense of morbid curiousity and I’ll allow the freakshow to continue because I feel like I need another trainwreck or two in my life.

You know, most guys usually ask for a kiss or something...

Tue, 26 Jul 2011 02:03:47 -0400

So I met a Fish. At first it wasn’t too bad. We thought it’d be fun if I showed up with a quick lunch at his workplace and we chilled there for a bit. He seemed normal and kinda fun and I was willing to overlook the fact that his picture was taken several years and 60 pounds ago because he seemed cool. Then I split and went to the mall for a bit until we were meeting for dinner.

Dinner. Heh. Then it unraveled. The gun talk was OK because, I own some too, but his aren’t for deer hunting like mine, put it that way. He also exposed himself as a raging homophobic, very racist, prone to stereotyping, and I lost all interest in my food and him. To get ME to lose interest in my fried fish is a tough thing to do.

Then I had the most UNUSUAL first date question asked of me at dinner.

Would I PLEASE go online and buy some potassium something from this website. He needed it because he was afraid he’d set off red flags because he had some tubes (“this one can blow off ARMS!!!) and explosive powder already on its way to the house.

Jaw, meet floor.

I just slid a $20 onto the table, said we were too different and for him to take care.

High-tailed it to my car, called my friend with an OMFG can you believe this shit phone call and called the police. While the officer got a good chuckle over it (“don’t most guys ask for a kiss or something?”), he seemed genuinely concerned and was glad I called and reassured me I am “doing the right thing”.

I’m speaking with their terrorism unit tomorrow morning.

I can’t do this dating shit no more! UGH!

You're joking, right?

Tue, 05 Apr 2011 02:23:31 -0400

Why does some self-proclaimed hillbilly guy think he can get a Jewish American Princess like me to actually listen to country music and go to some monster truck show?

Seriously, I’d rather watch someone take a dump in my favorite pair of shoes than to endure such a thing. At least I can buy a new pair of shoes. I could not get those hours of my life back if I went to… gross.

Why WOULD a guy write someone who is as city as he is country anyway…and NOT FREAKING GIVE UP, like rationalizing WHY he is right for me, pulling the “I’m a NICE GUY” bit…

Seriously. County fairs? Monster truck shows? Tractor pulls?

I’m about to sip expensive drinks at a posh hotel’s lobby and he thinks I’d enjoy… a county fair?! Drinking beer at a tractor pull?

Sheesh, fish… at least choose people you have something in common with, don’t embarass yourself!!!

I’m proud of myself, though, I did not come out and say to him that being surrounded by white trash was offensive to every fibre of my being. I kept telling him I’m a waste of his time, I am not right for him, not his type….trying to say “It’s not YOU it’s ME”…. still didn’t get it. I eventually just said that my reserves of politeness are running low, there’s no chance at all so stop trying.

madamethursday: [Image: Four feminine-presenting people on a...

Sat, 02 Apr 2011 16:33:59 -0400

madamethursday:

[Image: Four feminine-presenting people on a poster tinted pink in front of a pink back ground with a lighter pink female sign in the background. Above their heads is the text in brown, pink and white font: “Apparently, America’s greatest threat are healthy, independent, sexually active women.” At the bottom of the poster in white font is the text: “Trust women. Stand with Planned Parenthood.”]

One reason I love being single...

Fri, 01 Apr 2011 22:47:30 -0400

Having a room at Peabody Place all to myself in two weeks :-)

On the fishing front, I may meet up with a Fish when I am on a shopping trip tomorrow. Figure if he doesn’t show, at least my primary purpose for being out that way is accomplished.

afternoonsnoozebutton: That grammar and capitalization is way...

Thu, 31 Mar 2011 17:25:42 -0400

afternoonsnoozebutton:

That grammar and capitalization is way too good.

I had to give myself incentive as to why I am still single

Thu, 31 Mar 2011 13:50:09 -0400

I reactivated my profile and wow… the pigs have come out of the woodwork!

One was a truly disgusting and disrespectful reply.

I decided to be forward with this message, honesty is the best policy anyway! I think you are very sexy and I would love to see you in person. I just hope I can break the rule of “look but don’t touch”!

Merited a disrespectful and nasty response from me, too :-D

What a throughly disgusting and insulting response! Am I supposed to be some desperate, low-self-esteem “OMG I NEED A MAN OR I DIES!!!!” type chick who will fall at your feet in love that someone like you has DEIGNED to notice ME??

I don’t play that shallow-ass game. There will never be ANY scenario where the “no touch” rule is broken. Especially with your disgusting, chauvenistic attitude. Freaking disgusting and disrespectful.

Thanks for giving me more fodder for my blog. I was coming up short on good materials. Thanks for giving single girls around the world another reason to stay that way!!!

Another reason I love being single? Vacation!!! A week that mixes solo travel and time with my girl friends :-) Flying to Memphis for a solo night on Beale Street then a drive to San Antonio, Texas, to hang out with a friend I haven’t seen in AGES… followed by taking another friend in Louisiana out for her birthday… then an afternoon in Memphis before I fly back to reality.

I reached for the stars. They were just airplanes. They crashed and burned

Wed, 23 Mar 2011 23:11:22 -0400

“Let’s pretend that airplanes in the night skies are shooting stars….”

For some… years… I’ve had a theory that I have been cockblock-cursed. I have a mountain of proof to back it up.

Well, just when I thought it was bad I couldn’t even get to the first date, it’s now clear that I can’t even get to the first phone call!!!

After weeks of emails, a pretty cool guy from JPeopleMeet and I finally decided to do the phone call thing. What a mistake.

He first calls me when I was at work. No biggie, I just let him know I was at work and couldn’t talk.

The right thing to do would be to wait for me to call when I get off work, or ask me to call you when I could.

The wrong thing to do would be to call a minute later, and from there, proceed to call me every fucking flip-flopping minute for about an hour straight. Dude, I couldn’t make this shit up if I tried.

I’m SO glad Droids come with an option that sends a number straight to voicemail, otherwise, I would have found a way to go through the phone and choke a bitch.

The online dating thing just won’t happen for me because the whole dating thing isn’t happening for me. That’s OK, I have my fingers in way too many pies as it is…. work, Master’s degree, several art projects… men would just get in my way anyway.

Packed up my tackle and called it a day

Sat, 05 Mar 2011 23:22:35 -0500

I put my profile on private to where only people I’ve communicated with can see it.

My initial hunch about this site was correct: whatever I’m “after”, isn’t going to be in this area. I know every area has its Douche Fish and Psycho Fish, but this was ridiculous.

Maybe I may make it public again, but in the meantime? Hardly worth the hassle of a nightmare every few hours in my inbox.

If he's 555 then I'm Sick Sick Sick

Sat, 05 Mar 2011 01:14:55 -0500

Never imagined I could take advantage of Slipknot lyrics in a reply to a pervy fish! This is the email I just received from someone with 555 in their username (and I couldn’t resist the Slipknot lyric):

i am a 35 white man good looking i am looking for a lady for fun of the sexuall nature i am 6ft 2 tall and very well endowed interested?????

I replied:

If you’re 555 then I’m SICK SICK SICK.

No. Not interested. You’ve managed to completely repulse me.

His profile states that he’s 41. He’s also a liar fish in some regard. Ugh I hate Friday nights on this site. All the sickos seem to come out.

State of the Pond Update

Fri, 04 Mar 2011 16:14:35 -0500

Lots of boring fish lately. Nothing really interesting to tell, to be honest, other than the usual guys write me and I have zero interest.

I am still, however, reeling from the whole “kike” thing. Even my friends can’t get over someone having that as a username and wonder what kind of anti-Semitic or extremely clueless family he came from.

A PSA For the Desperate Fish!

Fri, 04 Mar 2011 16:12:03 -0500

1. OK, guys… it’s time for a talk. Sit down, close your mouths, and open your minds. This is shit you NEED to know! This is about the smell of desperation and how truly repulsive it is.

You know what your problem is? First and foremost….you’re desperate. If this keeps up, you are heading into “Nice Guy” territory, and as we’ve discussed before… that isn’t a good place to be. For girls OR for you. Probably sucks more for you because… trust me… LAST thing you want is to be taken for a “nice guy”!

So you want a girlfriend. More than ANYTHING! Like, you are obsessively thinking about having a girlfriend, and obsessively bemoaning your lack thereof. In fact every other Facebook update may be about it. A girlfriend may even be on your Christmas list because we all know Santa is capable of making the craziest of wishes happen.

He could bring a pet pony, maybe. A girlfriend? HELL NO!

You want to know WHY a girl won’t date you? It’s because we aren’t stupid. We can SMELL desperation and let me tell you… we won’t touch a desperate guy with two ten foot poles on someone else’s body. Know why we don’t like desperate guys? Here goes…

o Desperate guys want a girlfriend the way Ralphie wanted a Red Ryder BB Gun for Christmas. Remember how obsessive he was about it? Wrote themes on it, daydreamed about it… and in the end he got what he wanted and he shot his eye out. Moral of the story: What you ask for may hurt you in the end. Just because you manage to GET a girlfriend doesn’t mean she won’t catch whiff of that desperation in a few days and high-tail it out of there and leave you right back at the beginning.

o While on the Christmas-gift tangent… a Christmas gift is a wish for a possession, am I right? If you say you want a GIRLFRIEND… you’re more or less saying that a girlfriend is something that will belong to you and only you. We girls don’t like that mindframe. Know why?!

o Because desperate guys are only after WHAT IS IN IT FOR THEM! So you want a girlfriend. Why? Can you ARTICULATE why you want a girlfriend? Why would some girl want to have you as a boyfriend? Fuck all that “I’m nice! I’m worthy! I’m WONDERFUL!” bullshit. We like more tangible things… like things we notice from interacting with the guy. Or what their hobbies are… or more important things. Like, are they family-oriented or talk bad about their family? (I’m Italian, family is first with me and I like BIG families like mine. I have to know if a guy can handle meeting 30 cousins at a time) Are they motivated in life or do they mope about things they don’t have the balls to change? Do they work hard or expect life to be handed to them? Let’s be honest, if a guy claims he has some personality quality, he really doesn’t. Otherwise, he’d be content to let it be proven through interaction. Remember, “nice guys” turn on girls the fastest!

o If a desperate guy thinks a girlfriend is a gift, he sees no need to reciprocate the same feeling to a girl. Instead, she should be OH SO THANKFUL that you deigned to choose her. Instead of expecting HER to be the thankful one because she’s with you… why don’t YOU show HER some gratitude for actually being with you in the first place. YOU were looking for her. Chances are, she wasn’t looking at all, and you found her and she decided to make a go of it. Gratitude and generosity in a relationship is a two-way street. Treat each other well, you’ll both be happy. Throw in her face that she should appreciate you… she’ll most likely leave (and you should do the same if she throws in your face that you should appreciate her because she is with you)

o They can’t take “No” for an answer! UGH…they fail to grasp the concept that sometimes, no just means NO. However, the more they push, the more it DOES become something personal against them! If a girl says NO, they try to figure out what underlying causes there are, because there HAS to be some, there HAS to be something wrong with HER…. but trust me, Desperate Ones, the problem is with YOU. We smell your desperation and we run.

o Here’s the thing about desperation. It scares the hell out of us. We show you a shred of attention, and next thing we know you’re texting us 20 times a day, and when we don’t reply… you show up where our parents work, begging for answers about why we won’t date you. As if that right there wouldn’t be reason enough. You pull something like THAT stunt, and I guarantee you you’re not just blacklisted from dating ME, but any single family and friends, too. Yes, girls talk about these things.

o A desperate guy is NOT happy being single and has this delusion a girlfriend will bring him all the happiness in the world. Go back and re-read my analogy with the Red Ryder BB gun. To further elaborate… someone who is a miserable, whiny, desperate mess when they’re single is likely to be a miserable, whiny, desperate mess with their girlfriend. Only THIS time the desperation turns into possession and jealously. These things are only cute when my dog does them. When it is a guy doing these offenses, they’re frightening in the “need a restraining order because I dumped him” kind of way.

o Desperate guys are CLINGY… and yes, this creeps into that “nice guy” territory that is best to avoid all together. You NEED to understand that you BOTH have lives outside of the relationship…. families, other friends, jobs, educations, hobbies… Couples aren’t supposed to spend every flip-flopping waking moment together. It simply isn’t healthy. And NO, we don’t want to hug you while you cook your breakfast and don’t even ask us if we want anything to eat.

o BTW Signores Desperados… a girlfriend isn’t a hobby. Don’t treat us like one. Building model airplanes is a hobby. Playing Mafia Wars is a hobby. Dating is NOT a hobby. Girls prefer hobbies over dating a desperate guy any day.

o Desperate guys ALWAYS have excuses! Excuses, excuses, excuses! Worse, they bitch and moan and expect us to listen to the same story every flip-flopping day…and when we suggest how to change it, it’s Niagara Falls of weeping and moaning like we’re asking you to severe your penis off. Case in point: I was dating this guy. He hated his job, ALWAYS had bad days at his job, complained that since he didn’t graduate college, he can’t find a better one. I suggested he go back. OMG I opened the floodgates of “I CAN’T go back! It’s so HARD to study!”. Dude, grow a set of balls and go back to college or STFU, really. I don’t care to hear about a situation you choose NOT to change!

o Desperate guys forget we ALL have bad days. Case in point, same guy in the rant above. Always had a bad day. ALWAYS. And I always had to hear it, hear about it and say “Awww, poor John, had another bad day. Poor, poor John!” Then one day I had the nerve to have a bad day. This wasn’t just a typical bad day at work, either. I broke my freaking leg. It was so effed up that it even happened that I called and told him, and even laughed a bit as I said “You won’t BELIEVE what happened to me! I broke my leg, doesn’t that suck ass?”. Know what his respose was? “Having a pity party are we? You didn’t even ASK me about MY day today!” Sure, I know you had yet ANOTHER bad day at work, but guess what, you can change that. I couldn’t exactly un-break my leg. See, Desperados… you trivialize our problems because you are deluded in thinking that YOU have it worse than us. So when we lost our house due to a meteor that also killed our pet bunny, we were heartless to forget about your shitty situation that you don’t have the balls to change. Desperate guys think they’re allowed to have as many bad days as they want. However, if WE have a bad day? It’s the end of the world!

o Another thing… sure, there’s stuff one can’t change. God knows I had my share of it. You know what, if I hated the world a little bit for each thing that went wrong with me and used it as a reason to not do anything… I’d have imploded by the time I was 22. Sure, Mr. Desperate, you’ve had a rough life. So have a lot of people. We don’t use it as an excuse to say “Fuck the world” and then expect anyone to actually want to date us if we have an attitude like that. Instead of using all those things as a weakness… why not turn them into a strength?! There’s something to be said for people who rise above the stuff life throws at them.

I think I covered the important points. So guys…you know what the BEST thing you can do for yourself would be? Stop WANTING a girlfriend. Actually take time to learn how to be happy being single, being YOURSELF. Relationships don’t guarantee your happiness. Trust me, I’m an expert on being single! If you’re happy being single… you’ll probably be happy in the next relationship you choose to be in… that is if you’re ever interested in dating again at all!

WTF Fish: Anti-Semitic Fish!! (Maybe)

Thu, 03 Mar 2011 10:26:18 -0500

Someone clicked the “yes” on “Want to meet me”….some option on the site where you click yes or no if you find the person appealing. Whatever.

Someone with Kike in their username wanted to meet me.

In case you don’t know… kike is the Jewish equivalent of the word “nigger”. My eye damned near popped out of my skull when I saw that user name. WTF!

Maybe he is clueless and has NO idea what it means… but it doesn’t mean I like seeing in my inbox nor does it make it more reassuring!

And no, he isn’t Jewish. He’s Catholic. If he was Jewish, I could have a slight appreciation for some irony. Instead.. no.

I did report him with the request that the profile is modified to use a less-offensive word in his username.

A day of wtf!

Mon, 28 Feb 2011 01:47:21 -0500

Wait until I get home… I had a reply from a Psycho Fish and a former Racist Fish… it’s rich.

WTF Fish Part II: What does one say to this?

Sun, 27 Feb 2011 23:45:16 -0500

The email:

Hey..how’s it goin? I have lots to say but I’m not saying it all here. I was brought up as a racist but as I got older I found out that being a racist is only ok if you really like driving fast. I do like to go fast sometimes but not in circles so I’m no racist. Some people call me retarded but I’m pretty sure they are just joking by the way they laugh when they say it. Just because my last girlfriend is now a dumpster diver behind salvo doesn’t mean I’m satisfied. That’s all for now…let’s talk. Hopefully you can take a joke. =)

His profile was a bit more intriguing too…his ideal first date:

I’m not really sure I’m kinda down for whatever as long as there are midgets involved and maybe lots of caffiene so they can run fast

Um…erm….uh….

Hope someone gets entertainment from all this, because I sure as heck do not.

TMI Fish: There's honesty, and then there's "Honestly?!"

Sun, 27 Feb 2011 23:38:00 -0500

This site never ceases to amaze me. This guy applauded me for my honesty and “rewarded” me with some of his own. So much… information. *Yikes*

Behold…the really batshit insane stuff is bolded. I can’t make this stuff up.

your honesty is unsettling and appealing you have a great deal of insight into relationships I’m honored. You seem very nice do your romantic encounters of staying up late at night talking include abstract. I have a story I know your interested in. I’m not conventional in my means at all. Im totally abstract but we can get into that if you’d like. I’m 32 now at the age of 24 I heard a voice one of many say if you take your life we’ll all live forever. So I overdosed on saraquil I found out after that the voices aren’t mine. I’ve been writing since the age of 21 and I plotted out particular reasons why b4 I did it in poetry. I also opened all the windows in January so they could revive me. TO give me my second life and have died for other peoples sins why will it when yah got it like that. Ive had thoughts that its because I was a sacrifice for another wholy war. I don’t know but its fun to play with when I come from a small town alotta evil sh*tgoing on too

What in the name of samhill does one say to something like this?!

Horny Fish

Sun, 27 Feb 2011 23:31:57 -0500

Just when I thought my inbox was putting in a regular day, it decides to work overtime with this little gem from a 21 year-old:

Hi there! :) You’re gorgeous! I’ll be honest, I’m kinda looking for a hookup with a more mature woman…sorry to be so forward, but you’re stunning and I had to ask! I know I’m young, but I don’t mind being discreet if you’d like; I’ll be happy to answer any questions you have! I hope this interests you, please message me back when you can, thanks!

My bitchy reply (because lack of sleep, a 14-hour shift, and a massive storm do not do my disposition any favors):

Wow, apparently I wasn’t clear enough in my profile….

I’m no saint, but forget about being a hook-up. Disgusting.

So since I LOOK a certain way, I should ACT a certain way? Am I supposed to fall at your feet, drop everything, and rush up to Bowling Green this second?

Excuse ME for being honest and forward but…there is no way in this lifetime I would EVER remotely consider such a thing. EVER. I state as much in my profile for a REASON.

The gall of some people on this site. It almost never surprises me anymore, and then little gems like this pop up to remind me there’s plenty of nasty surprises left.

It’s actually tame compared to what was received earlier today. Yea, scary stuff!

Douche Fish deserves Bitch Response

Fri, 25 Feb 2011 16:57:00 -0500

So he’s all butthurt that I made no exceptions for him.

I am sorry about trying to meet new people. Good luck with a attitude like. There is one more thing I missed. I never would have attempted to contact a Liberal women like yourself. You are much superior then I and I should not even be caught talking to someone of your statue. I am sorry for messing up you world that you and yours are entitled to.

There’s ONE thing he missed?! I think he missed the whole freaking profile and just looked at the pictures!! Oh and the grammar is simply atrocious… it makes me cringe to think that this person made it past a high school education!

Douche Fish received Bitch response…

Maybe you should learn how to read profiles… or just go to Wal Mart and buy a doormat since that’s really what you want. You have no respect for a thinking woman. Lots of luck, Douche Fish!

I’d say he missed all the fine print in my profile, but it’s very clear. He just can’t be bothered to accept the fact that something that looks like what he wants on the outside is so NOT what he wants on the inside… because…. *gasp* an above-average woman can’t have a brain or her own thoughts… just can’t be, she has to have looks OR brains, but NOT both!!

If it weren’t for the Line-Tugger or a couple of the decent ones I’ve been chatting to thanks to this site, I’d have deleted my profile ages ago!

Busy day here....wow!

Fri, 25 Feb 2011 16:46:44 -0500

A Douche Fish wrote and asked me to email him since I am hot as hell.

I’m snowed in, boggled down with homework, and crabby. Which may explain my response:

Wow, a shallow message like that is guaranteed to have me fall at your feet. Thanks for making me feel like an object and a trophy instead of a human being who has something to say. It’s how every girl dreams of feeling. </sarcasm>

I don't think all Fish like to read, or they think the rule don't apply to them

Fri, 25 Feb 2011 16:43:00 -0500

A Papa Fish wrote me and asked if I cared to chat sometime.

I decided to try a less-polite, but not all-the-way bitchy reply:

Not particularly, since you seemed to miss the entire first paragraph of my “About me” section. It’s my screening process and you did not pass it….

My first paragraph basically says if you’ve been married and/or have children, don’t bother writing me.