July 2011
2 posts
2 tags
Yea, it's been a while since I had posted...(and...
But that Master’s thesis sucked up most of my free time. Don’t worry, I have another fun story, too. The date that almost was. And thank GOD it didn’t happen!
So it was a Jewish guy. Cool. However, there’s a distinctive difference between Reform Judaism (me) and Conservative Judaism (him). At first it wasn’t a big deal until the really crazy “if you were a good...
3 tags
You know, most guys usually ask for a kiss or...
So I met a Fish. At first it wasn’t too bad. We thought it’d be fun if I showed up with a quick lunch at his workplace and we chilled there for a bit. He seemed normal and kinda fun and I was willing to overlook the fact that his picture was taken several years and 60 pounds ago because he seemed cool. Then I split and went to the mall for a bit until we were meeting for dinner.
...
April 2011
3 posts
2 tags
You're joking, right?
Why does some self-proclaimed hillbilly guy think he can get a Jewish American Princess like me to actually listen to country music and go to some monster truck show?
Seriously, I’d rather watch someone take a dump in my favorite pair of shoes than to endure such a thing. At least I can buy a new pair of shoes. I could not get those hours of my life back if I went to… gross.
Why...
One reason I love being single...
Having a room at Peabody Place all to myself in two weeks :-)
On the fishing front, I may meet up with a Fish when I am on a shopping trip tomorrow. Figure if he doesn’t show, at least my primary purpose for being out that way is accomplished.
March 2011
8 posts
1 tag
I had to give myself incentive as to why I am...
I reactivated my profile and wow… the pigs have come out of the woodwork!
One was a truly disgusting and disrespectful reply.
I decided to be forward with this message, honesty is the best policy anyway! I think you are very sexy and I would love to see you in person. I just hope I can break the rule of “look but don’t touch”!
Merited a disrespectful and nasty response...
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I reached for the stars. They were just airplanes....
“Let’s pretend that airplanes in the night skies are shooting stars….”
For some… years… I’ve had a theory that I have been cockblock-cursed. I have a mountain of proof to back it up.
Well, just when I thought it was bad I couldn’t even get to the first date, it’s now clear that I can’t even get to the first phone call!!!
After weeks of...
Packed up my tackle and called it a day
I put my profile on private to where only people I’ve communicated with can see it.
My initial hunch about this site was correct: whatever I’m “after”, isn’t going to be in this area. I know every area has its Douche Fish and Psycho Fish, but this was ridiculous.
Maybe I may make it public again, but in the meantime? Hardly worth the hassle of a nightmare every few...
1 tag
If he's 555 then I'm Sick Sick Sick
Never imagined I could take advantage of Slipknot lyrics in a reply to a pervy fish! This is the email I just received from someone with 555 in their username (and I couldn’t resist the Slipknot lyric):
i am a 35 white man good looking i am looking for a lady for fun of the sexuall nature i am 6ft 2 tall and very well endowed interested?????
I replied:
If you’re 555 then I’m...
State of the Pond Update
Lots of boring fish lately. Nothing really interesting to tell, to be honest, other than the usual guys write me and I have zero interest.
I am still, however, reeling from the whole “kike” thing. Even my friends can’t get over someone having that as a username and wonder what kind of anti-Semitic or extremely clueless family he came from.
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A PSA For the Desperate Fish!
1. OK, guys… it’s time for a talk. Sit down, close your mouths, and open your minds. This is shit you NEED to know! This is about the smell of desperation and how truly repulsive it is.
You know what your problem is? First and foremost….you’re desperate. If this keeps up, you are heading into “Nice Guy” territory, and as we’ve discussed before… that isn’t a good place to be. For girls OR...
1 tag
WTF Fish: Anti-Semitic Fish!! (Maybe)
Someone clicked the “yes” on “Want to meet me”….some option on the site where you click yes or no if you find the person appealing. Whatever.
Someone with Kike in their username wanted to meet me.
In case you don’t know… kike is the Jewish equivalent of the word “nigger”. My eye damned near popped out of my skull when I saw that user name....
February 2011
29 posts
2 tags
A day of wtf!
Wait until I get home… I had a reply from a Psycho Fish and a former Racist Fish… it’s rich.
1 tag
WTF Fish Part II: What does one say to this?
The email:
Hey..how’s it goin? I have lots to say but I’m not saying it all here. I was brought up as a racist but as I got older I found out that being a racist is only ok if you really like driving fast. I do like to go fast sometimes but not in circles so I’m no racist. Some people call me retarded but I’m pretty sure they are just joking by the way they laugh when they...
3 tags
TMI Fish: There's honesty, and then there's...
This site never ceases to amaze me. This guy applauded me for my honesty and “rewarded” me with some of his own. So much… information. *Yikes*
Behold…the really batshit insane stuff is bolded. I can’t make this stuff up.
your honesty is unsettling and appealing you have a great deal of insight into relationships I’m honored. You seem very nice do your romantic...
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Horny Fish
Just when I thought my inbox was putting in a regular day, it decides to work overtime with this little gem from a 21 year-old:
Hi there! :) You’re gorgeous! I’ll be honest, I’m kinda looking for a hookup with a more mature woman…sorry to be so forward, but you’re stunning and I had to ask! I know I’m young, but I don’t mind being discreet if you’d...
2 tags
Douche Fish deserves Bitch Response
So he’s all butthurt that I made no exceptions for him.
I am sorry about trying to meet new people. Good luck with a attitude like. There is one more thing I missed. I never would have attempted to contact a Liberal women like yourself. You are much superior then I and I should not even be caught talking to someone of your statue. I am sorry for messing up you world that you and yours are...
1 tag
Busy day here....wow!
A Douche Fish wrote and asked me to email him since I am hot as hell.
I’m snowed in, boggled down with homework, and crabby. Which may explain my response:
Wow, a shallow message like that is guaranteed to have me fall at your feet. Thanks for making me feel like an object and a trophy instead of a human being who has something to say. It’s how every girl dreams of feeling....
3 tags
I don't think all Fish like to read, or they think...
A Papa Fish wrote me and asked if I cared to chat sometime.
I decided to try a less-polite, but not all-the-way bitchy reply:
Not particularly, since you seemed to miss the entire first paragraph of my “About me” section. It’s my screening process and you did not pass it….
My first paragraph basically says if you’ve been married and/or have children, don’t...
2 tags
Are these profile pictures or mugshots?!
I feel like I am looking at a police line-up instead of potential matches for me. All these guys look like they should be in the county lock-up. Ugh!!!
Forgive me for being shallow, but none of the guys look like they have bathed in some time. And this is latest row of men that this site finds compatible with me….! Gross gross gross!!
I want to tell these guys that bathrooms are for...
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The irony of the Fish
I love when guys put on their profile that they are good-looking and nice.
They’re usually NOT good-looking and so full of themselves that they end up being full of shit. They’re also major Douche Fish.
One Fish claims he will NOT dissapoint you if you write to him, he’s nice, good-looking, hot, nice, adventurous, hot, nice, laid-back, hot, nice, hard-working, hot, nice. Oh,...
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Slight confessions
My dating luck is horrible. Simply horrible. To the point I am more convinced than ever that I am cursed. Proof? My date for tomorrow night CANCELLED because of a crazy-ass ice and snow storm coming in just in time to ruin it.
I’ve been writing back and forth with someone who doesn’t meet my criteria, but the talk of certain crazy interests are enjoyable.
Other than that…...
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State of the pond address ...haha!
Fishing has gone smooth since the threat… line still has a tug on it. Trying to ask SMF and one of the guys from the site to submit some male perspectives of the whole fishing business just to get more humor on this blog…especially since they have horror stories, too.
Sm’s date did go well, btw!
2 tags
This shit is not cool!
User Alley_Katt messaged me and I sent a thanks but no thanks reply. He sent a douche fish response and called me psycho. Typical “nice guy” for ya. So I blocked him. He has a second profile, Revenge_101 where he threatens to kill me and this profile is loaded with psycho language. So I reported it.
Name call me and be a douche-fish all ya want but do not threaten me. Normally I...
There's a tug on the line!
All I’m gonna say. The dating game hasn’t exactly worked in my favor lately. The GAME part has happened, for sure, but the DATE? Nope.
2 tags
Here Fishy, Fishy!
So I have one Fish who is all butt-hurt that I won’t drive 50 miles to see him. WTF? *HE* wrote me, so why should I do all the driving right off? Bitch Fish don’t think so. It’s like he doesn’t get that I find it extremely presumptuous that he expects me to drive that far to meet him. He’s sure given me enough incentive NOT to make that trip. He’s given me...
3 tags
It's been quiet in the pond!!
Past two days have been pretty quiet! I guess my profile has scared off what available guys there were in my area.
The Jewish singles site isn’t doing much better, but that was expected, not exactly a big community in my area.
I did get a reply from Papa Fish #3 who thanked me for my reply and my honesty. I’m sure inwardly he was thinking “Shallow bitch”, but extended the...
3 tags
Replies I write when I no longer care about being...
Had a reply from a douche fish saying “Hey cutie! I like what I see! Wanna talk sometime?”
I replied:
Thanks for writing, but your response comes across as a tad shallow and offensive to me. Best of luck in your search, tho! (Word of advice, not all of us find “cutie” as being respectful, but very demeaning).
Yea, I’m at my “fuck being polite” point.
...
3 tags
Papa Fish #2 is not a happy fish!
Papa Fish did NOT take the polite “thanks but no thanks” reply very well.
He asks what do his kids have to do with anything…and do I think I’ll find a guy without kids?!
What do his kids have to do with it? Well, hmm…. if a guy writes KNOWING he has kids when I said “no kids, please” it tells ME he doesn’t have any regard for my wishes. Oh, and my...
3 tags
We have another reply!
From a Papa Fish. Apparently it’s a shame I feel that way because he only has his kid every other weekend.
Yea, makes it SO much better for Miss Superficial Bitch Fish to accept something that doesn’t meet her criteria.
At least he was polite but… certain rules simply can’t have exceptions in a non-kid-friendly environment such as my life.
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The truth about me.
I make a lousy girlfriend. I don’t mean “lousy” in the sense I cheat or anything… I just don’t conform to this area’s standards of what is acceptable in a girlfriend. My *looks* sure do, but then I open my mouth and it’s kind of downhill from there. I’m a bookworm, sarcastic, and my psychology isn’t limited to academics. My self-esteem revolves around me. I stand up for myself and I don’t let...
1 tag
One fish, two fish, red fish, DOUCHE FISH
One advantage about online dating is I can screen ‘em before I meet ‘em, and thank heavens for that!
Also…. here’s lies guys tell: “I’m here looking to get to know someone and start out a friendship and then go from there, if it comes out to anything more then that’s great, if not then I gained a friend at least”
Translation: “I actually want...
5 tags
We have replies!!!
Young Fish #1 wrote back!
“Ok thinks.. age is just a number though. “
Young Fish #2 kept insisting I give it a chance in the chat window and is one persistent little fucker.
But IS it? Or doesn’t experience in life count for something?! These guys are 20. I’m 32. I’ve graduated college. I’m working on an advanced degree. I’m pretty well-established in a...
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Why "nice guys" finish last
A friend of mine asked me one day why it always seems to backfire if a guy is nice to a girl. Given the usual female history of encountering “nice guys”, when a guy comes on too strong or is overly sappy, we get these flashbacks to the last time a “nice guy” came onto us and it isn’t pretty. Here is my whole stance on “nice guys” (using quotes because those guys are usually ANYTHING but). It’s...
5 tags
The "Thanks but No Thanks" Reply Experiment
I decided since, this is after all, one informal experiment in the online dating world, to see what would happen if I did indeed write a response politely declining their advance. Keeping them short, sweet, and hopefully… to the point.
To the ones with whom I have zero in common:
Hi! Thank you for writing! I am sorry, but I do not feel as if we have anything in in common. I wish you...
2 tags
Here's to you, Mrs. Robinson!
What is the deal with younger guys writing me?! Don’t get me wrong, it’s kind of flattering that someone 10-12 years younger than me is checking me out but….
Ew.
Sure “age is just a number” but um… yikes! I asked one guy why he replied (via chat window) and he said he was into “older women”. Ew…. dropped the dreaded “O” word!
I wonder if they just see my picture and assume I am close to their...
Coming soon
Horror Stories and Whore Stories
Here’s to you, Mrs Robinson… or is age just a number?
The “thanks but no thanks” reply experiment
Until then, I’m off to bed. But there’s a decent chunk to write about. SMF has had more luck than I have.
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Guys don't read profiles
I complained about it in my last post, and last night SMF dared me to write to someone who was looking for a “good Christian woman” to prove a point.
I’m not Christian. I’m Jewish. If this guy was indeed looking for a good Christian woman, he either would not reply to me, or would politely say I wasn’t the right religion.
So far we’ve discussed humor,...
8 tags
Saturday: The nightmare begins
On February 12 I signed up and made my profile, figuring that the comedic relief of stuff that can only happen to me would help me get my mind off the latest upheavals in my life. No sooner had I made my profile, the comedy began to roll right in to the point where I cringed when that chat window would pop up (it does… and it’s like WTF?!) or I had a new message in my inbox.
Ok, it...
Obligatory Introduction Post
I should clear one thing up: I am not looking for anyone. I’ve been single for some time and am quite content remaining that way for reasons too numerous to list (graduate school, demanding job, the fact I’d rather have bamboo shoots shoved under my fingernails than go to a scummy bar in this area).
Since it seems everyone around me takes issue with my single living, I needed a way to...
